NEW BLOG: Life After Undergrad

Hello all!

This is likely the last post (hopefully?) I'll ever put up on this blog, save for the last post I said would be the last post.  I thought after what felt like ages after first year, I'd put up another blog documenting and chronicling the times I spent as an undergrad student at University of Toronto and now, as a graduate student outside of the U of T.  I thought it'd be nice to show that despite all my grumblings and my misgivings, that there is something beyond the proverbial tunnel that U of T manufactures in your minds.

So please, if you're seeking life after first year; life surviving subsequent years and into the early steps of graduate school go and check out: Survival of The Wittiest.

I wish you all the best in your academic endeavours!


Garlic, love and cheese,
- Suzette

The End and The Beginning

The End;

First year is done. First year is kaput, over, finished. The many questions we held in our noggins ought to be have been answered; the what-now, where's-that, and hows of the the pre-post-secondary lifestyle should no longer be unfathomable. The summer awaits us, as well as a two-month cleansing period. The end is nigh, but so are possibilities to wrap up loose ends. Despite the high probability that we'll forget half of what we gained, we will continue to learn. Learn from our mistakes. Learn from our experiences. We'll take something away. The first test you bombed? You'll learn from it. The first test you aced? You'll gain valuable lessons. The first time you pulled an all-nighter? You'll learn that it's not physically healthy. The first time you got lost on campus? You've learned your routes and paths. All of your firsts are over with, and so your seconds should be better. Much better. Much more refined. The end isn't anything but another beginning. So take it in stride.

The Beginning;

Go ahead. Rid yourself of useless knowledge or unbearable stresses. Go party. Play safe. Live life. Work hard. Earn money. Do whatever pleases you -- but remember when you return, come September, you'll have to start yourself up again. So don't make a fool of yourself. Take this new beginning as a second chance to refine your skills, refurbish your weaknesses and find yourself. That's really all you can do.

Or you don't have to.
But that's your call, isn't it?



Over and out.
Peace and order.
Love, garlic and cheese.



Farewell first year.

What ifs

I've lost all interest in being philosophical, deep and compellingly touchy about UTSG and its inability to cater to the needs of its students. Because... as much as I believe half of what I'm writing, I'm also fighting the little beast in me that actually likes the school. Yes. What? Surprised? You didn't think that ranting and raving could ever be associated with passive-aggressive taste for a large, open-space, academic prison? Wowzers! Well that must have been a blow to the brain.

So, I'm just going to tell it as it is. First year, which has technically ended (but since I'm taking a second year course during the span of it, why not include it), will be written as first year should be. In incomplete, run-on sentences that describe and curtail the indecencies and complacencies of being a student without a real sense of what the future is. Indecision, too much passion for all things/lack of passion thereof, etc. Technically, what being a nineteen year old is all about.

At this stage in life, I'm feeling particularly antsy. I'm feeling unaccomplished. Unfulfilled. Completely devoid of excitement -- so much that I have to resort to the stupidest stunts to get my fill of adrenaline (can we say watching movies you never thought you would, i.e. Spiderwick and The Golden Compass -- both of which were fairly amusing). I'm feeling caught in between. I'm in limbo. I'm between a rock and a hard place. I'm just... here. And that, right now, is the hardest place to be. Here.

What if -- I wonder -- I had chosen a different path. What if I actually took the SATs and took the American-college life as my own? What if I actually went to McGill? What if I actually took the arts program several years ago, worked my ass off and found a way into Julliard? What if I went into the humanities and/or political sciences, as opposed to the life and health sciences? What then? Where would I be? What would I do with myself? Would I be happy? Would I be fine? Would I be... me?

I wonder that every day. I wonder if I would have been happier in a program that facilitated my need for writing, my craving for reading and my yearning for some good ol' fashion learning (I kid on the latter of the three). I wonder if I'm acting the way I am now simply because I've lost a fairly important chunk of my life -- my writing and my art -- by entering a program that does nothing but downplay the right-side (artsy, fartsy, as you would say) of my brain. Writing was my life. I can barely write now; I've lost half of my instinct for it. Art was my soul. I haven't painted a watercolour or acrylic and I haven't touched my palette in a while; my fingers have gone odd.

And then, I wonder why I'm here in the first place. Ah, yes right. To learn. To gather an education revolving around the life sciences -- because at the end of the day, I'm not getting a degree for me. That is the easiest part of going to school: going for yourself. But by the end of your four years, what would you do then? History and life doesn't bode will with people that need and take from life; you have to be willing to give to it, and society for that matter, in order to be a part of both life and history. So why am I in the Life Science program (to-be Evolutionary Biology and Ecology)? To put this knowledge to better use, I guess. At the end of the day, what am I doing and who is it for? Of course, I'm learning for me -- but I'm doing this for the future. You have to think several steps ahead in order to play the game. If life is a play, and we are the actors, you have to know your lines before you walk on stage. These are our lines. The dreams we have are intertwined with the betterment of society, I guess. And I sound pretty cheesy, pretty corny and like a bucket of sap (i.e. sweet and syrupy), but that is what it's all about.

But who's to say that the other route wouldn't have been for society? Who's to say my to-be novels wouldn't have been for the sake of uncovering the inner turmoil of mankind? Who's to say that I wouldn't have gone into politics with a B.A. Major in Poli-Sci and come out as a politician raring to be the vox-box for the people -- the voice of the mute, and the ears of the deaf? Who knows, I say. It all comes down to one question:


What if...?


That will always be the question regardless of age.
It may not be a regret for everyone, but it is a question.
And unanswered questions haunt us for quite a lifetime.




PS: There goes my psychobabble. I've filled my "discover Suzette!" quota for the week.

Considering that summer school counts as first year...

Taking courses you don't want to take -- but need to take -- makes life feel a little less enjoyable. Of course, I'm going to like this course. I'm going to love this course. I will find reasons to enjoy the next six weeks of unending plug-and-chug and see-and-analyze statistics. Of course it will all be fun. Who am I kidding? Not you -- all of you are far too smart.

Oh woe is me and my inability to stick to something for too long. I was halfway through assigned questions before I started downloading stuff, pulling out Mayday Parade's CD and plugging it in and now I'm swaying to it. In due time, I'll be sketching alongside the screening of Pan's Labyrinth.

Fun, fun, fun!

Polygraph, Right Now! (And the almost-end)

Like I said, I'm a big fan of the Aiello siblings. Go youtube them; they're fantastic. How about female pipes on what's normally a dark, morose kind of male-voiced song? Can we say it's absolutely happening? Yes. So go check them out. And if anything, we can replace the "her" and the "she" with "UTSG," right? Good stuff, good stuff.

One more exam. One more. I'm counting the days. The hours. The minutes. The seconds. The moments that have yet to pass before I'm allowed to lay back, not care and just not give a flying fuck about life. Well. For a week or so. Oh, I'm so excited. Now, if you'll excuse me. I've got Ella Enchanted on my agenda and far away dreams to enjoy.

To the PHY138 kids writing their final exam tomorrow -- hang in there. I've no passion for the course, and I say you're all brave and/or masochists for taking that course, but hey. Kudos to you for making it thus far.

See you on the dark side, mes amis.
(Green)Peace out.

"Miserable at Best" and the last exam...

I'm a bit of an acoustic geek and I couldn't help but wind down, tremendously, by youtubing every possible acoustic cover of every possibly ickily romantic and sappy song I've ever actually liked. So, Mayday Parade has an amazing song called "Miserable at Best" and as great as they are, there are 5000 different covers that are fantastic. I wanted to post the Chris and Catie Aiello cover, which was great (female vocals), but Sam DeArmond had a fit version.

Anyways. This is me simply saying that I'm procrastinating and that my last exam never felt so far away (Tuesday the sixth, oh the horrors). But hey. Can you imagine how much geeking I'll be doing afterwards? I'm talking videos. I'm talking about getting reacquainted with my upright piano. I'm talking about saving whales. I'm talking about Lakeshore, ice cream and movies galore. I'm talking about absolute pandemonium.

Oh, I can't wait.
Now, if I could only study...

Global warming, exams, and brain meltdowns.

Besides the fact that there will be a CHM139 exam on Friday May 2nd; besides the fact that I ought to be studying my bloody brains out; besides the fact that I'm incredibly tired and sick and I can't taste my food -- I managed to go on YouTube and decided to spread the message. I don't know why, but I felt like it. To top things all off, now don't tell the folks about this, I'm thinking of joining Greenpeace. What would they say? They'd probably shake their heads at me and lock me up forever, but hey. Right now. I'm feeling pretty edgy, pretty optimistic and in nearly-there-2-exams-left summer mode. Oh curse U of T and their ultra-late schedules. Had this NOT been the case, I wonder what I'd be thinking/doing right now. Probably something more productive. Yipes, I'm rambling. Again. For the fiftieth time this morning. First with the lack of milk and my coffee issues, and now with... Well. Whatever I was rambling about.

Go study.
"Ay, ay, captain!"

I can't hear you.
"AY, AY! Captain!"

(Oh ix-nay on the Ongebob-Say.)

It's: day 2 of being legal AND Earth Day -- and I'm inside.

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."
-- Mark Twain

So. The final BIO150 exam occurs tomorrow, at 14:00 hours and lasts for an approximation of 2.25 hours. Realize that that's a decimal and not a colon, thus a quarter of an hour is equivalent to? Yes. Fifteen minutes. I'm also in math-is-the-death-of-me mode, and in saying such, I am implying that I'm avoiding the review of what is more necessary (at this very moment): BIOLOGY.

What is a taxon? I thought I knew. Now I don't. Considering that I'm planning to major in the Evolutionary Biology area, it's pretty sad that I know none of their terms in any depth. What does that say about my attention span? It's quite limited. Now. I've been introduced to the idea of procrastination, but I think I'll lay off the idiocies for a bit and read a bit more. Then I'll do a bit of crazy American Idol Youtube-ing. I don't watch it live simply because it's a waste of effort and I hate commercial breaks, so I just watch segments. Go David Cook go! Haha.

Back to non-procrastinating procrastination.

Oh. And Happy Earth Day!
Plant a tree... If you can spare study time.
Oh, so sad.


PS: I bought Burt's Bees. Took a really long time to find in Fortinos. I didn't realize it'd be under Organic Foods and Products. Hmm. For anyone who knows the true taste of honey (like the non-Billy Bee brands you find at farms), that's what it tastes like. It feels fantastic as well. It's my non-Soft Lips supplement, which I've run out of... again. For the third time in the last 6 months. I wonder what that says about my lip surface area. Hmm.

And so the exam weeks begin.

There is no quote to describe the madness that will pervade our minds in the weeks to come. For those with absolutely fantastic time management skills -- you probably won't feel extremely hung-over by the end of these three, long, dastardly weeks, but you'll wish you were high. Ok. No. That's stretching wishes by a bit. You'll probably collapse onto a couch and just... expire.

Can I just point out that exam week starts with... dun, dun, dun, dun...

My birthday?

Update, pre-study week.

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."

-- Alan Kay

Cleaned the closet.

Dumped the shoes into the closet.

And my progress ends there. Geeze. Can we say intolerable amounts of work yet to be done? Yes. Can we say procrastination in the form of thinking of things other than exams? Yes. Can we say being collectively creative and coming up with shirt/sweater/stuff design? Heck ya.

I'll get back to the real world when I'm insane.

POSts, Exams and Profanity -- oh my!

"All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed."
-- Sean O'Casey

As of 11:50PM (yes, this means April 9th 2008), I have been a part of the Evo-bio POSt program -- Ecology and Evolutionary Biology. Of course, this wasn't the plan. The plan was to hold off the application until the entirety of my "known POSts" were chosen. Of course, it is nighttime and I have every right to go bonkers right now... so I just tried it out. And huzzah. That's curiosity for you.

And now I'm going to try my hand at chemistry. Or environmental chemistry.

I think I've gone mad with... admission lust. Hmm.

How Not To Get Sleep

[On the topic of Sleeping]
S: You have a test tomorrow, why don't you sleep?
E: I'll sleep later. If I sleep now, I'll sleep at one.
S: And if you sleep at twelve... you'll sleep at twelve?
E: Yeah--I don't know.

Sleeping Tips From The World's Weirdest Insomniac

Don't:
"I get more work done if I don't sleep at all."

Wrong-o. Lack of sleep leads to crankiness, disorientation and so much more. Take this from someone who has personally experienced disorient. When Professor Aaron Wheeler let out the morning CHM139 class ten minutes too early on a Tuesday, I thought it was a Friday. You can't imagine how the rest of the day felt to me. Anyways. Trust me on this one; if you get enough sleep, if you manage your time well enough -- you'll feel perfectly fine. Time management is key, to be honest, and there's no other way to put it. Excess sleep here makes you groggy; lack of sleep there makes you irritable and confused.


Do:
"Clear your mind of everything possible. Temporarily."

On a personal level, thinking of chemistry or math (the usual side-effect of finishing homework, a test, or an assignment) will have you in super-thinking mode when you're fast asleep and in a comatose like state. If I do recall, the number pi popped into my dreams a couple of times and several reactions followed me in my semi-nightmare. It's not pleasant. If you go to sleep restless and full of 'work', you won't get any sleep done. So do think of puppies, flowers and bluebells -- or other. Just completely wipe your mind of what you've learned for the day (temporarily only!) and zonk out. That's the best way to do it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Sometimes.


So yeah. Don't take my word for it.
You can try to Redbull a night away and see how you are the next day...
Or you can pick up the pace the next day and get some well-earned sleep.
Your choice. Your life. You choose, I guess.

How Not To Write A Report

[On reading assigned articles and writing the Ethics Report]
R: ...I can't write.
S: ...I can't read.
R: We're so sad.
S: We're illiterate!

Writing Tips From The World's Biggest Procrastinator

Don't:
"Kamikaze!!!"

Use the word kamikaze, or later, too much. You'll end up pushing everything to the farthest corners of the earth, watch five million Disney movies (and/or Disney-Pixar) and deny that you ever had work to do in the first place. The key to success is knowing when to kamikaze -- and that is usually, if not normally, five minutes after a test or an assignment is due. Save your kamikazes. Save your madness. Save your spewing, rabid behaviour for after major assignments. The word "kamikaze" has a tendency to skew the remainder of what your report, or the whole of it, depending on how you look at it. If you decide that you're in writing mode -- do it. Just don't kamikaze. It's not recommendable. At all.

Do:
"Pretend I'm fascinated with the subject matter and keep working."

A little acting never hurt anyone, really. If you pretend that you like something enough, eventually you'll believe in your lie, pick up the pace, tighten that belt and get a crack-a-lacking. Sometimes all you really need is the belief in an assignment. Conviction is key to actually getting things done. You can bribe yourself with five-minute sugar-highs (i.e. sour keys and jujubes), or you can opt to do something incredibly amusing afterwards (i.e. have a Alfred Hitchcock movie marathon)... So long as you get something done. Sometimes it's hard to get work done, so making it a stipulation doesn't make your case any better. It just makes it worse. If you're convinced that you really want to get this done and in the process, you want to learn something and develop your bullshit skills -- write that report with the utmost conviction. You are a superstar. You are a journalist. Now get to it.


But hey, don't take my word for it.
If making work a chore and kamikaze-ing your life away works for you... Do it.
I just don't think it's optimist-friendly, not in this universe at least.

Studying Tips From The World's Worst Student

"Sweetness, sweetness never suited me."
-- Stars (Midnight Coward, In Our Bedroom After The War)

Studying Tips From The World's Worst Student

Don't:
"Drink coffee in sporadic, copious amounts."

The last time I did this, I think my heart went into overdrive. My nerves were beyond repair and I was, not bouncing off the walls but, in this living-dreaming state. I'm going to compare it to high-like feelings and something on the lines of bungee-jumping, without the cord. For one thing, you're super-focused, but for another, you're completely bonkers. Studying credit. Health demerits. Equates to nothing at all, really.

Do:
"Watch movies, take a break, take a breather here in there."

I believe this is best called procrastination for studious students, but for the semi-studious or the not-so-studious, this is a regular. Do something for yourself; being cooped up in your room really needs to nothing but hysteria. A bit of reality is needed, and yes, that reality lies in something completely bogus, like Harry Potter. Get out of your 'work world' and slip into another one for a moment. It doesn't hurt to rest. Mental state regained. Fun in life restored. Major plus, really.


But hey. Don't take my word for it.
If studying like a beast hooked on caffeine works wonders for you -- do it.
I just don't think it's healthy, in the long run, that is.

BIO150: Term Test 3 and 3 cups of coffee.

"Uh, let’s get back to the test please.
What mathy stuff do I need to know?"
-- Prof James Thomson (Study Guide)

I think after the term test, I'll be posting something like "How To" or "How Not To" -- it'll be fun for me and a great way to alleviate stresses caused by the BIO150 test (tomorrow) forget about the miserable CHM139 test (I don't know how many of you checked your marks, but wow; that was probably the worst or best move -- depending on your mark). I haven't checked mine yet and I plan to keep it that way. Why do that to yourself before two major and upcoming tests? Be logical, folks.

I think the first of my "Hows" will be "How Not To Study," which I'm so good at doing. The bad-method of studying, I mean (which can sometimes be nonexistent, which is also very terrible). But for tonight, I think a good 3-cups of coffee (in spaced intervals -- not like what I did the last time, which was 2 huge mugs in 1 hour, which was a tremendously terrible decision) will suffice.

Till 2:00AM then!
Huzzah.

Reading Week: It's zooming by me.

"I've been cautious with the words I extend.
Allow this year before the world starts to end."
-- Coheed and Cambria
(The Light & The Glass, In Keeping Secrets of the Silent Earth: 3)

The week is going by unbelievably, incredibly quickly. I've a shitload to still do and mind my profanities, but that's really the only way (the best way) to describe everything. I still have a bajillion little itty bitty things to do, and I'm avoiding calculus like the plague. I hardly understand what I'm doing right now, but I suppose this is what you call procrastination.

Go listen to Coheed & Cambria on MySpace. I don't know if anyone's into that type of music, what with the lead singer nearing a half-baked falsetto, but they're fantastic musicians. If you get the chance to, go listen to "The Light & The Glass" and "The Crowing" and "A Favour House Atlantic". I've been listening to these guys since ninth grade. Or earlier, I think. My memory fails me.

Ah, back to the demon, better known as re-listening to BIO150 lectures I paid no heed to.

Le jour d'amour: CHM139 test, anyone? With sugar?

“The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.”
-- Jalal ad-Din Rumi

I ♥ U of T.

And I'm really thinking I don't. But I do. It's a really difficult kind of love, the type you work hard for, the type you slave over and try to fix. It's a give-take, love-hate kind of relationship. The type you have with your annoying older/younger sibling. But I suppose, in the end, I don't regret coming to this congregation of the smartest, grayest, dullest, harshest minds alive. It's the full package you get: hard tests, big campus, crazy days, and the like.

So what about that chem test, huh? How's that sounding right about now? Pretty snazzy. I'm kidding. I'm being so sarcastic right now it's killing me. And I know I wanted to post something tonight -- as opposed to this lame post -- but in the spirit of being a miserly, singular, un-betrothed organism amidst a mass of possible couplets, I refuse. I'm going to wallow in coffee, Ann Brashares, and the friends I so love.

If anyone's reading. If anyone's out there...
You know, in the vast world of study-dom...
I say you put a heart on your test.
I plan to. Spread the love? Ha.

GPA: Are you willing to work for it?

"The big secret in life is that there is no big secret.
Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work."
-- Oprah Winfrey

Touchy subject, much? Yeah. I know. It's terrible to bring this topic up, but as you approach the midterm of a second term, of a deathly term, of first year -- you have to wonder and worry if you did enough, if you did well, if you did so and so. So yes. GPA matters. The wellness of such an acronym comes naturally to some, comes with work for others, and sometimes, it just feels like it will never come. Don't lose faith. I certainly can't/won't/shouldn't. If I was that easy to push around, I'm pretty sure I would have given up long time ago and just gone straight in another direction.

GPA. Are you willing to work for it? I know a lot of people say they're working hard for a decent, or a better one, and I'm not going to doubt you. Each person has their personal threshold of work ethic and so forth, but I'm pretty sure perfection is possible. I'm pretty sure a 4.0 is possible. I'm pretty sure that a 2.7 can go to a 4.0, if you try hard enough. Key word is try. How often do we do that? We whine. We complain. We nitpick at all the bad points in the course -- yet instead of making peace with our downfalls and learning from them, we wage verbal and mental wars. Our only enemy in this, is ourself. We are the only impediment to our success.

So yes. I am willing to work for it.

I paid a good effin' sum to come here, to this U of T menagerie of minds...
And so I think I milk it for what it's worth and get my well-deserved mark.

Peace out? Perhaps.

Snow: Makes The World Go--Pause.

"A hundred bodies fill this room.
And all their faces overdone.
Pain is foreign, foreign to us."
-- Meg&Dia (Something Real CD)

So besides the onslaught of massive amounts of flaky, dainty white snowflakes, the stoppage of classes, the usefulness of the U of T Snowline and the missing of certain tutorials... a lot has happened that the snow will never hinder. For example -- the upcoming death-threat. The funeral toll. The chemistry golem. The CHM139 Midterm. It's all on its way. And yes, all this exciting hubbub takes place on -- you guessed it, folks! -- February 14th, the day all single people dread. Well. Now, all U of T freshmen in the Life Sciences can despise the couples-only day even more. Tres chique, n'est pas?

It's even sadder to know that all the greatest pre-Spring movies are coming out on/about this time. Jumper, being one of them, will be sorely missed and its viewing will be pushed into early-Reading Week. Which reminds me -- post-CHM139 midterm -- of how much there is to do. Both physically exhausting and mentally exhausting. Yes, this involves an overhaul on my working habits (i.e. a start on BIO150 papers and other undulating essays) and the crazy, badass supah-fly bouncing-off-the-walls kind of fun (i.e. having casual lunch dates with friends long lost in the midst of anal retentiveness and vile assignments).

So hang in there. Study hard.
Know that knowledge is power.
Power corrupts. Corruption is evil.
Be evil. For the midterm, anyway.

See you on the dark-side, muchachos.

Super Tuesday, early morning Wednesday

"The challenge is to practice politics as the art of making
what appears to be impossible, possible."
-- Hillary Clinton

Hillary's quote. Barack's face.
Am I sending mixed messages? You tell me.
Close Call: Super Tuesday.

I'm not American, so I wouldn't have any idea as to how the voting system really works, but I suppose I should be worried/concerned about the processes of American government. Let me be truthful, let me be honest, let me be stupid -- I had no clue that Super Tuesday was the actual term for this. I didn't even know what was going on. But hey, you have to admit that "Super Tuesday" is the kind of term you use for a Tuesday-fast food meal OR some children's-flavour of ice cream.

Anyways. It's not Tuesday anymore. I've been outside of politics since I dropped POL108, so right now, I'm getting my year's worth of hardcore quasi-international politics. It's early Wednesday and I'm still watching CNN -- it's exciting, I suppose. I like dissecting political strategies with my father, watching my mother fume at certain analyses, and wondering whether or not platform really matters in any of this. If I'm allowed my humble assumptions, I'd like to say that politics is a very good telenovella-gameshow. If you have the right charisma, the right performance, you win. Platform, I believe, is essential, but cannot be more than passionate or empty promises.

Enough of my politicking. I do that enough (that's partially why I stop reading and watching the news; I become a little too argumentative and that boils my mother's blood and raises my father's blood pressure). You can do your politicking -- go watch CNN for the updates.

I won't say who I'm for.
Maybe it's obvious. Maybe it's not.
I'll give you a hint: I'm no Republican.